🤖 Of all Satan’s weapons, Pride and Defensiveness seems to affect school-aged children the most.
🤖 It shows up in their resistance to correction, the need to always be right, and defensiveness when faced with challenges. Pride blocks humility and learning, making children unwilling to admit mistakes or accept help. This creates divisions and hinders both personal growth and relationships in the classroom.
🤖 If left unchecked, pride can lead to isolation, broken relationships, and an inability to grow or adapt to challenges. Over time, it can result in poor academic and social outcomes, as the child remains resistant to learning and self-improvement.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖☠️⚠️ STEALS: Humility and Learning
• Pride robs children of the ability to be humble and teachable. It prevents them from accepting correction, which is essential for personal and academic growth.
🤖☠️⚠️ KILLS: Unity and Cooperation
• Defensiveness kills relationships by creating division in the classroom. It hinders teamwork and cooperation, leading to conflicts and a breakdown in the learning environment.
🤖☠️⚠️ DESTROYS: Relationships and Personal Growth
• Pride and defensiveness destroy friendships and opportunities for personal growth. Children who can’t admit mistakes or ask for help isolate themselves, missing out on valuable life lessons.
🤖 Addressing pride with patience and humility is essential to helping children grow and succeed.
☠️ These are common ways PRIDE/DEFENSIVENESS will manifest in your classroom. 😳 Learn THE dangers of overlooking these offenses and how to handle them in a Spirit led way. 🕊️
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 1: Tantrums when not allowed to do something on their own (e.g., trying to zip their own jacket).
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Screaming, crying, or pulling away from the teacher who is trying to help.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: The toddler insists on independence, rejecting help to feel in control, even if they’re unable to complete the task alone. This sets a pattern of refusing support, which can hinder growth and learning.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I can do it all by myself!”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop acting up! You can’t do it by yourself, so just let me do it for you!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response could frustrate the toddler further, reinforcing their feelings of inadequacy. It may cause them to resist help even more, increasing the likelihood of more tantrums in the future.
📖 Colossians 3:21 (NKJV): “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I see you want to do it by yourself. How about you try first, and I’ll help if you need it?”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response validates the child’s desire for independence while also offering gentle support. It encourages them to try but reassures them that help is available, promoting both confidence and cooperation.
📖 Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 2: Refusing to share toys with other children.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Grabbing toys back and saying, “Mine!” without considering the feelings of others.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: The toddler shows possessiveness, prioritizing their own desires over sharing and cooperation with others, leading to selfish behavior that can strain friendships.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “No, it’s mine!”
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being selfish and give the toy to your friend!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response could make the toddler feel attacked or embarrassed, leading to more resistance and reluctance to share in the future. It reinforces a negative label and does not teach the child how to share appropriately.
📖 Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV): “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Let’s take turns with the toy, so everyone has a chance to play. Can you share it with your friend for a little while?”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response promotes sharing by offering a practical solution. It teaches the child the value of taking turns and being considerate, which can lead to more cooperative behavior.
📖 Philippians 2:4 (NKJV): “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 3: Pushing others to be first in line during activities.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Physical shoving or moving ahead of classmates to be the first in line.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This action demonstrates a need to feel superior to others, which can create conflict and a lack of empathy.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m in charge!”
📖 Mark 9:35 (NKJV): “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop pushing! You’re being rude, and it’s not your turn!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement can make the child feel criticized and embarrassed in front of their peers, leading to more frustration and possibly more aggressive behavior in the future.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Let’s make sure everyone gets a fair turn. We’ll all have a chance to be first sometimes, but it’s important to wait patiently today.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response encourages patience and fairness, teaching the child that waiting their turn is important. It provides a positive way for the child to learn about taking turns without feeling unfairly singled out.
📖 Mark 9:35 (NKJV): “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 4: Ignoring adult guidance, trying to do something independently (e.g., climbing a chair unsafely).
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Ignoring safety rules and insisting, “I do it!” even when it’s risky.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Rejecting guidance fosters prideful independence, which can lead to dangerous situations and prevent the child from learning to trust authority.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “Don’t tell me what to do!”
📖 Proverbs 13:10 (NKJV): “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop it! You’re going to hurt yourself! Why can’t you just listen?”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response might make the child feel criticized and rebellious, increasing their resistance to guidance and making them more likely to ignore safety instructions in the future.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I see you want to do it by yourself, but let’s try a safer way. I’m here to help if you need it.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This calm approach acknowledges the child’s desire for independence while reinforcing the importance of safety. It teaches them that seeking help doesn’t mean losing independence but making smart choices to stay safe.
📖 Proverbs 13:10 (NKJV): “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 5: Grabbing toys back from others, insisting, “Mine!”
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Taking toys from others and refusing to share.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Refusing to share teaches a child that their needs are more important than others, reinforcing selfish behavior.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “That’s mine! I don’t want to share!”
📖 Luke 6:38 (NKJV): “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being selfish! You need to share right now!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response can cause the child to feel defensive, leading to more possessiveness and reluctance to share in the future. It might also create feelings of shame, discouraging cooperative play.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know you really like that toy, but let’s take turns so everyone can have fun. You can have it back in a few minutes.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the child’s attachment to the toy while gently guiding them toward sharing. It teaches patience and consideration for others, fostering a cooperative environment.
📖 Luke 6:38 (NKJV): “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 6: Demanding attention during group time.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Interrupting storytime, speaking over others to get the teacher’s attention.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This creates disruption, teaching the child that their need for attention is more important than the group’s needs.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “Look at me! Watch me!”
📖 Proverbs 27:2 (NKJV): “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop acting like a baby! You can’t always be first.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement dismisses the child’s need for attention and can lead to more frustration, causing them to seek attention in even more disruptive ways. It also risks hurting their self-esteem, which could lead to further behavioral issues.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I see you want to share something important. Let’s listen quietly first, and then I’ll give you a turn to share.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the child’s desire to be seen without undermining the group setting. It teaches the importance of taking turns and listening to others while reassuring the child that their chance to be heard is coming. This promotes patience and respect for others.
📖 Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV): “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 7: Throwing tantrums when not allowed to go first in activities.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Crying loudly and refusing to participate when not first in line.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: It encourages self-centered behavior, fostering the idea that they must always be first to feel valued.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m first! I don’t care what you say!”
📖 Romans 12:10 (NKJV): “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop throwing a fit! You can’t always be first.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response may make the child feel their emotions are being dismissed, increasing frustration and causing them to act out more. It can also reinforce their desire to assert control, leading to more tantrums in the future.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know you really want to go first, but everyone will get a turn. Let’s practice waiting, and I’ll help you when it’s your turn.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement validates the child’s feelings while calmly setting boundaries. It teaches the value of patience and reinforces the idea of fairness, helping the child learn to wait their turn in a supportive way.
📖 Galatians 6:9 (NKJV): “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 8: Rejecting help with simple tasks like tying shoes.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Pushing away anyone offering assistance.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: The child develops a pattern of rejecting help, which could hinder learning and problem-solving skills.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’ll do it my way!”
📖 James 4:6 (NKJV): “But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You’re making this harder than it needs to be. Just let me do it!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response can make the child feel incompetent or frustrated, potentially leading to more refusals of help in the future. It may also damage their self-confidence and increase resistance to guidance.
📖 Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV): “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I can see you want to try on your own, which is great! I’ll be right here to help if you need me.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement encourages independence while letting the child know help is available. It builds confidence and allows the child to feel supported, promoting a positive learning experience.
📖 James 1:5 (NKJV): “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 9: Getting frustrated when other children are praised.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Sulking or acting out when another child is praised for doing something well.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: The child begins to associate praise of others with a personal attack on their own worth, fostering insecurity and jealousy.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “You don’t know anything! I’m better!”
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being jealous! You’ll get praised when you do something good too.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response dismisses the child’s feelings and reinforces negative emotions, such as jealousy or insecurity. It may lead to further resentment or even disrupt their motivation to improve.
📖 Proverbs 14:30 (NKJV): “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Everyone gets praised at different times for different things. Your time will come too. Let’s focus on what you’re doing well.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This gentle response validates the child’s feelings while encouraging them to focus on their own strengths. It fosters patience and helps them learn to celebrate others’ successes without feeling overlooked.
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 10: Taking toys from other children when they aren’t looking.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: Sneaking away with a toy and hiding it.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Encourages dishonesty and selfishness, reinforcing the idea that they can avoid responsibility for their actions.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t need to share; it’s mine.”
📖 Proverbs 11:2 (NKJV): “When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being sneaky and give it back right now!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This harsh response may make the child feel ashamed and defensive, reinforcing the behavior as they attempt to hide their actions even more. It does not address the underlying issue of respect for others’ belongings.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “We need to share toys, and it’s important to ask before taking something. Let’s give it back and find another toy to play with.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This gentle and instructive response teaches the child about boundaries and respect in a positive way, guiding them to correct their behavior while fostering kindness and sharing.
📖 Luke 6:31 (NKJV): “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.”
💡 How to SUPPORT an Infant/Toddler (0-3 years) with Pride/Defensiveness in a SPIRIT-LED Way 🕊️
🚨⚠️ 10 Things to AVOID in Your Interactions with Toddlers ⚠️🚨
💡🤖 1. Don’t Yell, and Raise Your Voice Sparingly
Yelling can overwhelm toddlers, causing them to either shut down or escalate their defensive behavior. However, there may be times when raising your voice is necessary, especially for safety or to regain their attention. The key is to do so calmly and assertively, without anger or frustration. This helps toddlers understand that strong emotions can be expressed without aggression and helps them learn to regulate their own responses.
📖 Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV): “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”
🤖 2. Avoid taking their frustrations personally.
Toddlers are still learning how to process and express their emotions. When they act out, it’s not a personal attack—it’s a developmental stage. Understanding this can help you stay calm and patient rather than reacting emotionally. This approach prevents escalation and keeps the focus on teaching them healthier ways to cope.
📖 Proverbs 19:11 (NKJV): “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.”
🤖 3. Don’t compare them to other children.
Comparing toddlers to one another can lead to feelings of inadequacy and competition. Each child develops at their own pace, and comparing them might reinforce pride or defensiveness as they try to prove themselves. Instead, focus on their individual growth and celebrate their unique progress.
📖 Galatians 6:4 (NKJV): “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.”
🤖 4. Avoid rushing them through tasks.
When toddlers are figuring out how to complete a task, rushing them can lead to frustration and a sense of failure. Let them take the time they need to try on their own while offering guidance if they ask. This teaches patience and perseverance rather than rushing through challenges.
📖 Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV): “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles…”
🤖 5. Don’t ignore their need for independence.
Toddlers are learning autonomy and often want to try things on their own. Ignoring this need can make them feel stifled and lead to power struggles. Acknowledge their desire for independence while offering appropriate support to ensure they’re still learning and staying safe.
📖 Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
🤖 6. Don’t dismiss their emotions.
Toddlers may not have the vocabulary to express their feelings, but that doesn’t make their emotions any less valid. Dismissing their feelings can cause them to internalize frustration and act out in other ways. Acknowledge their emotions and help them work through them with empathy.
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
🤖 7. Don’t punish them for seeking attention.
Toddlers often seek attention as a way to feel secure and valued. Punishing them for seeking attention teaches them that their need for connection is wrong, which can lead to further acting out. Instead, offer constructive ways for them to engage and receive positive attention.
📖 Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV): “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
🤖 8. Don’t ignore small victories.
Celebrating small achievements reinforces positive behavior and encourages toddlers to keep trying. Ignoring these moments can make them feel unnoticed and unappreciated, which may lead to frustration or defensiveness.
📖 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NKJV): “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.”
🤖 9. Don’t rush to correct every mistake.
Toddlers are learning through trial and error. Constantly correcting them can overwhelm them and make them feel like they’re always doing something wrong. Allow them to make mistakes and learn at their own pace, stepping in only when necessary.
📖 James 1:19 (NKJV): “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
🤖 10. Don’t use sarcasm.
Sarcasm is often misunderstood by toddlers and can be hurtful or confusing. Use direct, clear language when addressing their behavior to avoid miscommunication or feelings of inadequacy.
📖 Ephesians 4:15 (NKJV): “But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ.”
🤖 These strategies and scriptural principles will help guide you in supporting infants and toddlers with pride and defensiveness in a way that is compassionate, patient, and Spirit-led.
✅ 10 THINGS TO DO IN YOUR INTERACTIONS ✅ with toddlers who struggle with pride and defensiveness.
🤖 1. Approach with Kindness.
Kindness is essential when working with toddlers who are struggling with pride and defensiveness. By offering a kind word or gesture, you help soften their heart and allow them to feel safe, even when they’re acting out.
• Example: When a child refuses help, gently say, “I know you can do it, but I’m here if you need me!”
📖 Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV): “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
🤖 2. Encourage Small Steps of Progress.
Celebrating small victories can build confidence in a child and encourage them to be more open to guidance. This allows their defenses to drop as they begin to trust in their ability to succeed with help.
• Example: “Wow, you zipped up your jacket halfway all by yourself! That’s amazing! Let me help you finish.”
📖 Philippians 4:8 (NKJV): “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble… meditate on these things.”
🤖 3. Use Gentle Correction.
Instead of harshly pointing out mistakes, offer gentle corrections. Help them see that errors are part of learning, and it’s okay to make mistakes. This encourages humility and openness.
• Example: “Oops! Let’s try it this way next time. I’ll show you how!”
📖 Galatians 6:1 (NKJV): “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness…”
🤖 4. Offer Choices to Empower Them.
Give toddlers simple choices to make them feel in control. This reduces defensiveness by allowing them to feel like they have a say in the situation.
• Example: “Would you like to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes today?”
📖 James 1:5 (NKJV): “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach…”
🤖 5. Pray for Them.
Praying over your students is a powerful way to invite the Holy Spirit into their lives and help them overcome pride and defensiveness. Even though they may be young, God can work through your prayers to soften their hearts.
• Example: Pray, “Lord, guide [child’s name] today to trust in Your strength and to lean on You when they need help.”
📖 James 5:16 (NKJV): “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”
🤖 6. Model Humility.
Show toddlers that even adults need help sometimes by modeling humility. When they see you asking for help or admitting mistakes, they learn that it’s okay to do the same.
• Example: “Oops, I made a mistake. I need help fixing this, can you help me?”
📖 Matthew 18:4 (NKJV): “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
🤖 7. Use Positive Reinforcement.
When toddlers show signs of cooperation or openness to help, praise them! Reinforce the behavior you want to see more of, as this will encourage them to continue making positive choices.
• Example: “You did such a great job sharing today! I’m so proud of you.”
📖 Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV): “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.”
🤖 8. Stay Calm and Composed.
When a toddler becomes defensive or prideful, they may try to provoke you. Staying calm models self-control and shows them a better way to manage emotions. Your peaceful presence can help diffuse the situation.
• Example: “I see that you’re upset, and that’s okay. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 9. Set Boundaries with Compassion.
It’s important to establish clear, loving boundaries with toddlers. Let them know that while their feelings are valid, certain behaviors (e.g., not sharing) are unacceptable. Setting these boundaries helps them understand the balance between autonomy and cooperation.
• Example: “I understand you want to play by yourself, but it’s important that we take turns with the toys.”
📖 Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
🤖 10. Speak Life and Truth into Their Identity.
Help toddlers understand their value and identity by speaking life into them. Remind them that they are loved, even when they feel frustrated or upset, and that asking for help doesn’t make them weak.
• Example: “You are such a strong and smart person. Asking for help shows how wise you are!”
📖 Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV): “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
These Spirit-led interactions will not only help toddlers manage their pride and defensiveness but will also nurture their growth into kind, humble individuals who are ready to learn and cooperate. By applying these strategies, you can foster an environment that promotes growth, love, and peace in your classroom.
The fruit of the Spirit is...
🤖 🕊️ Love ❤️: Love is essential when working with toddlers. Show them that you care about them regardless of their outbursts or frustrations. When they feel loved, they are more likely to trust and open up, which helps break down the walls of defensiveness. Provide consistent reassurance through affectionate words and gentle actions.
🤖 🕊️ Joy 🥳: Toddlers thrive on positive reinforcement. Celebrating their achievements, no matter how small, helps them feel proud of their growth without needing to seek attention through negative behaviors. Sharing moments of joy can shift their focus from selfish behavior to gratitude and cooperation.
🤖 🕊️ Peace ✌️: When toddlers become upset or frustrated, maintaining a peaceful environment is key. Avoid reacting to their emotional outbursts with frustration or anger. Instead, offer them calm words and actions to model how to handle emotions constructively, making them feel secure and less defensive.
🤖 🕊️ Patience ⏳: Toddlers often want to do things independently, even when they’re not fully capable. Patience allows you to give them time to try, without rushing in to take over, while also guiding them when they need help. This builds their confidence in a healthy way, showing them that it’s okay to rely on others when needed.
🤖 🕊️ Kindness 🫶: Responding with kindness, even when toddlers are being difficult, demonstrates that they can seek help without feeling judged. Being gentle in correction and encouragement helps break down pride and fosters a safe space where toddlers can learn without fear of failure or rejection.
🤖 🕊️ Goodness 🌟: Consistently modeling goodness by speaking kindly and offering help teaches toddlers how to interact positively with others. Demonstrating the benefits of sharing and cooperation will encourage them to see that kindness brings positive outcomes in relationships with others.
🤖 🕊️ Faithfulness 🤝: Being dependable and consistent in your actions builds trust with toddlers. They need to know that you are there for them, even when they push back. When they trust that you won’t abandon them, they are more likely to let down their defenses and accept help or guidance.
🤖 🕊️ Gentleness 🐑: A gentle approach is crucial when dealing with defensiveness in toddlers. Harsh words or actions can escalate their resistance. Speak softly and offer comfort, letting them know that mistakes are part of learning, and that it’s okay to ask for help without feeling bad about it.
🤖 🕊️ Self-Control ⏸️: As a teacher, demonstrating self-control shows toddlers how to manage their own emotions. When they see you remain calm in stressful situations, it models the behavior they should aim for. This teaches them that controlling their reactions can lead to more positive outcomes than acting impulsively.
☠️ These are common ways PRIDE/DEFENSIVENESS will manifest in your classroom 😳 Learn the dangers of overlooking these offenses and how to handle them in a Spirit-led way. 🕊️
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 1: Refusing to admit a mistake on a school assignment.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: A child insists their answer is correct, even when it’s clearly wrong. They argue with the teacher rather than accept correction.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This blocks learning and growth. By refusing correction, the child limits their academic progress and their ability to accept feedback.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “No, I did it right! You’re wrong!”
📖 Proverbs 12:1 (NKJV): “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You’re wrong. Just admit it and fix the mistake already!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach may humiliate the child, causing them to shut down or double down on their defensiveness. It risks damaging their confidence and may discourage them from trying in the future.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s okay to make mistakes—that’s how we learn. Let’s take a look together and see how we can fix this.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response encourages the child to view mistakes as part of the learning process and creates a safe space for them to acknowledge and correct errors, promoting growth and perseverance.
📖 Proverbs 3:12 (NKJV): “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 2: Refusing to work in a group because they want to do it all by themselves.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child avoids group work, hoarding materials, or refusing to share ideas.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior creates isolation and discourages collaboration, which is essential for social development and teamwork.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’ll just do it all myself! You don’t know how to do it right!”
📖 Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NKJV): “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being so stubborn and just work with your group!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement may increase the child’s sense of isolation or frustration, causing them to resist even more. It reinforces the idea that they are being forced into something they don’t want, potentially leading to withdrawal or defiance.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Working together helps everyone, including you. Each of you has something important to contribute, and it’s a great chance to learn from one another.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This encourages cooperation and helps the child see the value of teamwork. It reframes group work as a positive learning experience, promoting collaboration while also acknowledging their abilities.
📖 Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NKJV): “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 3: Getting angry when not chosen for a class activity or role.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: A child becomes upset or sulks when another student is chosen for a leadership role, such as line leader or class helper.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This can foster jealousy and resentment, which damages relationships and causes emotional stress for the child.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “That’s not fair! I should have been picked!”
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You clearly need help, so stop being difficult and just let me do it!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response can embarrass the child and make them feel incapable, fueling their defensiveness and pride. It may cause them to shut down completely or resist further assistance in the future.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know you can do a lot on your own, but sometimes accepting help makes things even better. I’m here if you need me.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This reassures the child that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather a smart way to grow. It encourages humility while respecting their desire for independence, promoting a balanced approach to learning.
📖 James 4:6 (NKJV): “But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 4: Rejecting help from the teacher or peers.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child pushes away anyone offering help, whether it’s with schoolwork or social situations.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior isolates the child and prevents them from receiving needed assistance, making it harder for them to succeed academically and socially.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t need your help! I can do it myself!”
📖 Proverbs 11:2 (NKJV): “When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Why do you always have to be right? Just let it go!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement can escalate the conflict by fueling the child’s need to defend themselves even more. It may also alienate the child, making them feel attacked rather than understood.
📖 Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV): “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know you’re passionate, but let’s take a moment to listen to everyone’s ideas. It’s okay if not everyone agrees—working together is what’s important.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This encourages the child to value teamwork over being right, fostering collaboration and reducing conflict. It also helps them learn how to compromise and appreciate different perspectives.
📖 Proverbs 12:15 (NKJV): “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 5: Arguing with classmates during games or activities because they insist they are always right.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child argues over the rules of a game or insists they won when they didn’t, disrupting the activity.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This leads to conflicts with peers, making it harder for the child to build healthy friendships and participate in cooperative play.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m right! You’re just making up rules!”
📖 Proverbs 13:10 (NKJV): “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You’re always arguing! Can’t you just play without making everything an issue?”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This comment could cause the child to feel criticized and may heighten their defensiveness, making them even more resistant to compromise. It could also create tension among peers, as the child feels misunderstood and isolated.
📖 Proverbs 18:2 (NKJV): “A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s great that you care about doing things right, but let’s hear what others think too. It’s important to work together so everyone can enjoy the game.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the child’s desire to succeed while also encouraging them to value others’ contributions. It promotes teamwork, helps the child learn to listen to peers, and keeps the atmosphere positive and cooperative.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 6: Refusing to apologize after hurting someone’s feelings.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child denies responsibility for their actions and refuses to say sorry, even when they’ve hurt a classmate.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This fosters pride and prevents reconciliation, damaging relationships and teaching the child that taking responsibility is not important.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “It’s not my fault! They deserved it!”
📖 James 4:10 (NKJV): “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You need to apologize right now, or I’m going to send you to the office!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: Forcing an apology may result in insincerity and resistance, causing the child to feel coerced rather than understanding the importance of their actions. It may also foster resentment, leading to further defensiveness.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s important to make things right when we’ve hurt someone. Let’s think about how you would feel if someone did this to you and how we can fix it.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach encourages empathy and personal reflection, leading the child to understand the impact of their actions. It promotes genuine reconciliation and helps develop emotional awareness and responsibility.
📖 Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV): “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 7: Bragging about accomplishments and putting others down.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: A child constantly boasts about their own achievements while belittling the efforts of others, creating a negative environment.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior damages self-esteem in other children and fosters pride and arrogance in the child, making it harder for them to form positive relationships.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m the best at this! No one else can do it like me!”
📖 Proverbs 27:2 (NKJV): “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop showing off! No one likes a bragger.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response may humiliate the child and reinforce feelings of superiority or insecurity. It could lead to further prideful behavior or cause them to withdraw from sharing altogether, creating resentment.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s great that you’re proud of your achievements, but remember that everyone has strengths. How can we celebrate each other’s accomplishments, too?”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the child’s success while guiding them to recognize and value others’ strengths. It fosters an atmosphere of mutual respect and humility, encouraging teamwork and empathy.
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 8: Refusing to follow class rules because they think they’re above them.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child disregards rules about classroom behavior, such as staying seated or raising their hand to speak, because they believe the rules don’t apply to them.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This creates disorder in the classroom and sets a bad example for others, while teaching the child that defiance is acceptable.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t have to follow that rule!”
📖 Romans 13:1 (NKJV): “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Who do you think you are, that the rules don’t apply to you?”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach challenges the student’s ego, leading to further defiance and resentment. It can cause them to double down on their belief that they are superior to others, damaging the teacher-student relationship.
📖 Proverbs 29:23 (NKJV): “A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “The rules help us create a fair and safe environment for everyone. How can we work together to make sure you follow them like the rest of the class?”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response maintains respect while guiding the student to understand the importance of following rules for the good of the community. It encourages accountability while allowing the student to participate in problem-solving, which can help reduce feelings of superiority.
📖 Romans 13:1 (NKJV): “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 9: Dismissing others’ ideas in group discussions.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child shuts down other students’ ideas or contributions during group activities, insisting that only their ideas are valid.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This stifles creativity and cooperation in group settings, making other students feel undervalued and leading to social isolation for the child.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “That’s a terrible idea. Mine is much better.”
📖 Proverbs 18:12 (NKJV): “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop acting like everyone’s ideas are wrong! You’re not the only one who’s smart.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement can make the student feel attacked and embarrassed, leading them to become even more dismissive and defensive. It may also shut down meaningful participation from the student and strain relationships within the group.
📖 Proverbs 18:2 (NKJV): “A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Everyone’s ideas are valuable in a group, and listening to others helps us learn. Let’s make sure we’re respecting each other’s thoughts so we can come to the best solution together.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response encourages collaboration and mutual respect, helping the student understand that their input is important but so are the contributions of others. It promotes humility and teamwork, fostering a more inclusive and productive group dynamic.
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 10: Overreacting to constructive feedback from teachers.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The child responds angrily or defensively when given feedback on how to improve their work or behavior, rather than accepting the help.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This hinders personal growth and learning, preventing the child from developing the resilience needed to handle constructive criticism in the future.
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You’re overreacting! It’s just feedback. Why are you getting so upset?”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement invalidates the student’s emotions and can escalate their defensiveness, leading them to shut down or further resist the feedback. It may damage the teacher-student relationship and make the student less open to future corrections.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know it can be hard to hear feedback, but I’m here to help you improve. Let’s work through this together so you can keep growing.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the student’s feelings while keeping the focus on growth. It opens the door for collaboration, helping the student feel supported rather than criticized, making them more receptive to constructive feedback.
📖 Proverbs 12:1 (NKJV): “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 11: Responding Defensively to Peer Warnings
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: When another student warns them that their behavior is inappropriate or could get them in trouble, they respond with anger or frustration, dismissing the warning.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior discourages peer accountability and fosters a hostile environment, making it harder for the child to accept correction from both peers and authority figures.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “Mind your own business! I don’t need you telling me what to do!”
📖 Proverbs 12:15 (NKJV): “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.”
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “You’re just picking on me! I didn’t do anything wrong!”
📖 Proverbs 29:1 (NKJV): “He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.”
These scenarios reflect common manifestations of pride and defensiveness in school-aged children, and the corresponding Bible verses help frame these behaviors within a biblical understanding, encouraging humility, cooperation, and a teachable spirit.
🚨⚠️ 10 Things to AVOID in Your Interactions with Your Students ⚠️🚨
💡🤖 1. Don’t Yell and Raise Your Voice Sparingly
Raising your voice may be necessary to get attention in a noisy environment, but yelling directly at a child can escalate defensiveness and pride, causing them to shut down or retaliate. Stay firm but calm, using an authoritative tone without anger to maintain control and encourage openness.
📖 Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV): “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”
💡🤖 2. Avoid Belittling Their Opinions
Disregarding or dismissing their thoughts can foster feelings of inadequacy and increase defensiveness. While it’s important to listen and validate their emotions, it’s equally important to guide them toward the truth. Not every opinion is aligned with reality, and providing gentle correction alongside affirmation helps them develop discernment without feeling invalidated.
📖 Proverbs 19:11 (NKJV): “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.”
💡🤖 3. Correct Carefully
Public correction is often necessary to maintain order in the classroom, but it must be handled with care. Avoid harshly shaming or embarrassing the student in front of their peers. Instead, deliver the correction firmly but respectfully, addressing the behavior without attacking their character. This maintains discipline while reducing the risk of escalating defensiveness.
📖 Proverbs 25:11 (NKJV): “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
🤖 4. Avoid comparing them to others.
Comparisons can feed their defensiveness and lead to further prideful behavior as they try to prove their superiority.
📖 Galatians 6:4 (NKJV): “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.”
💡🤖 5. Don’t Dismiss Their Feelings
Even if their defensiveness seems exaggerated, their feelings are real to them. Acknowledge their emotions while gently guiding them toward the truth. Their feelings may not be based on reality, but validating that they have feelings and then helping them align with the truth can foster trust without reinforcing false perceptions.
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
💡🤖 6. Don’t Ignore Their Need for Autonomy
Children in this age group are developing a sense of independence. Ignoring their desire to make decisions or do things on their own can lead to frustration and defensiveness. Encourage their autonomy by offering them choices and letting them take responsibility for their actions within appropriate boundaries.
📖 Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
💡🤖 7. Don’t Argue or Engage in Power Struggles
Engaging in arguments or power struggles can make a child dig in their heels and become more defensive. Instead, redirect their behavior with calm authority, giving them choices to empower them without confrontation.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
💡🤖 8. Don’t Set Unrealistic Expectations
Setting goals or expectations that are too high for a child’s developmental stage can lead to frustration and feelings of failure, increasing their defensiveness. Keep expectations realistic and achievable to build their confidence and avoid prideful reactions.
📖 Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV): “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
💡🤖 9. Don’t Label Them
Avoid labeling a child with terms like “prideful” or “stubborn.” Labeling can reinforce negative behavior and make the child feel like they cannot change. Instead, focus on the behavior and encourage positive traits like humility and cooperation.
📖 Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV): “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
💡🤖 10. Don’t Ignore Positive Contributions
When a child shares a good idea or contributes positively, ignoring or dismissing it can cause them to feel unappreciated, leading to prideful behavior. Make sure to validate their contributions and show them that their efforts are valued.
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
✅ 10 THINGS TO DO IN YOUR INTERACTIONS ✅ with children (ages 4-10) who struggle with pride and defensiveness
🤖 🕊️ 1. Approach with Kindness and Patience.
Young children respond well to kindness, especially when they are struggling with pride. Approach them with gentleness and patience, showing that you care for them even when they make mistakes.
• Example: “I can see you’re feeling frustrated. Let’s work on this together, and I’m here to help.”
📖 Ephesians 4:2 (NKJV): “With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.”
🤖 🕊️ 2. Provide Encouragement Over Criticism.
Instead of focusing on what they did wrong, highlight their efforts and offer guidance for improvement. This builds their confidence while addressing the need for change.
• Example: “I really like how you worked on that part. Let’s see how we can make the next part even better.”
📖 Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV): “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.”
🤖 🕊️ 3. Model Humility.
Children learn by example, and modeling humility helps them see that it’s okay to admit when you need help or when you make a mistake. This encourages them to be more open to feedback.
• Example: “I didn’t explain that very well. Let me try again—thank you for being patient with me.”
📖 Matthew 23:12 (NKJV): “And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
🤖 🕊️ 4. Encourage Teamwork.
When a child struggles with pride, encouraging them to work in a group can help them understand the value of others’ ideas and contributions. Teach them that working together makes things better for everyone.
• Example: “I love how you’re helping your teammates! Everyone’s ideas matter, and together you’ll come up with something great.”
📖 Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NKJV): “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”
🤖 🕊️ 5. Reinforce Positive Behavior.
Celebrate small victories and good behavior. This helps them associate humility and cooperation with positive reinforcement, making it easier for them to choose the right path.
• Example: “You were so kind to share today—great job!”
📖 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NKJV): “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.”
🤖 🕊️ 6. Stay Calm and Maintain Authority.
Children may test boundaries, but staying calm and maintaining authority with grace helps them understand the value of respecting others. Your calm demeanor teaches them to regulate their own emotions.
• Example: “I understand you’re upset, but we need to follow the rules. Let’s take a breath and try again.”
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 🕊️ 7. Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries.
Children need boundaries to understand what’s acceptable. Setting clear expectations while showing empathy helps them feel safe and secure, knowing that there are limits to their behavior.
• Example: “I know you want to do this your way, but in our class, we follow these steps. Let’s work together to get it done.”
📖 Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
🤖 🕊️ 8. Encourage Apologies and Forgiveness.
Teach them the importance of apologizing and seeking forgiveness when they’ve hurt others, as this fosters humility and reconciliation.
• Example: “Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to say sorry. Let’s try that together.”
📖 Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV): “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
🤖 🕊️ 9. Remind Them of Their Value in God’s Eyes.
Children can feel insecure when they struggle with pride. Remind them that their value is not in being the best but in being loved by God and doing their best for Him.
• Example: “God loves you no matter what. Let’s do our best because that’s what He wants.”
📖 Psalm 139:14 (NKJV): “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
🤖 🕊️ 10. Use Positive Language to Shape Behavior.
Use encouraging language to guide them toward better behavior without tearing them down. This helps them develop humility and self-awareness.
• Example: “I know you can do this! Let’s work together and make it even better.”
📖 Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV): “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
🤖 By incorporating these Spirit-led strategies into your interactions, you’ll be nurturing growth, humility, and cooperation in children, helping them overcome pride and defensiveness while cultivating positive behaviors that will last a lifetime.
The fruit of the Spirit is…
🤖 🕊️ Love ❤️: At this developmental stage, children need to feel loved and valued, even when they struggle with pride or defensiveness. Showing them unconditional love through kindness and encouragement helps foster a secure environment where they are more willing to listen, learn, and grow.
🤖 🕊️ Joy 🥳: Celebrating small victories or moments of growth encourages children to focus on positive behaviors rather than seeking validation through pride or arrogance. Joyful reinforcement shifts the focus from proving themselves to experiencing the joy of shared success.
🤖 🕊️ Peace ✌️: Maintaining a calm and peaceful classroom environment helps children manage their frustrations and defensiveness. When teachers model peace, it teaches children how to resolve conflicts without escalating tension, promoting harmony in group activities and discussions.
🤖 🕊️ Patience ⏳: At this stage, children may be eager to prove themselves or act out when they feel challenged. Offering patience allows them to process their emotions and work through challenges without feeling rushed. This teaches them that mistakes are part of learning, and that it’s okay to take their time to get things right.
🤖 🕊️ Kindness 🫶: Responding with kindness, even when children push back or become defensive, helps disarm their pride. Kindness shows them that they are still accepted, which makes it easier for them to acknowledge their mistakes and move forward.
🤖 🕊️ Goodness 🌟: Modeling goodness by acting with integrity and treating all students fairly helps set a positive example. When students see goodness in action, they are more likely to embrace positive behaviors, making it easier for them to adopt a humble, cooperative attitude.
🤖 🕊️ Faithfulness 🤝: Being reliable and consistent in your expectations and interactions builds trust with children. Faithfulness to your role as a teacher assures them that you will be there for guidance and support, even when they struggle with pride or other difficult emotions.
🤖 🕊️ Gentleness 🐑: Children often react defensively when corrected. A gentle approach in these moments can help them see the correction as an opportunity to improve rather than an attack. Gentleness encourages reflection and humility, helping them accept guidance more easily.
🤖 🕊️ Self-Control ⏸️: Modeling self-control in the classroom helps students understand the importance of managing their own emotions. By staying calm and composed, you show them how to handle frustration or defensiveness, teaching them that reacting impulsively is not the best way to resolve conflicts or challenges.
These Spirit-led interactions help children ages 4-10 learn how to navigate pride, defensiveness, and other emotional challenges in a way that encourages growth, cooperation, and positive relationships within the school environment.
☠️ These are common ways PRIDE/DEFENSIVENESS will manifest in your classroom 😳 Learn the dangers of overlooking these offenses and how to handle them in a Spirit-led way. 🕊️
💡 In my 15 years of teaching, the first two mentioned are the most common I've encountered. STOMP THESE SNAKES! 🐍
💡🤖🎬 TOP SCENARIO 1: When asked to move to another seat during class because they’re disruptive, the student gets upset.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student becomes visibly frustrated, crosses their arms, throws their hands up, sighs loudly, or glares at the teacher or other students. They might even argue or refuse to move at first.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This reaction shows resistance to correction and unwillingness to accept responsibility for their actions. It can lead to further disruption and encourages a pattern of defiance, making it difficult for the student to grow or learn from their mistakes.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “This is so unfair! I wasn’t even doing anything! Why do I have to move?”
📖 Proverbs 12:1 (NKJV): “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being so dramatic! Just move your seat and quit complaining.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This dismissive response invalidates the student’s feelings, escalates frustration, and can lead to further defiance. It may also undermine your relationship with the student, making them feel misunderstood or disrespected.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I need you to move so we can keep the class on track. Let’s talk more after class if you have concerns, but right now, I need your cooperation.”
🤖 🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This calm but firm response validates the student’s feelings without letting them derail the class. Offering to discuss it later gives the student a chance to express their concerns privately, promoting a respectful resolution and preserving classroom order.
💡🤖🎬 TOP SCENARIO 2: A student who is not on task is redirected by the teacher to get back to work and responds, “I am!”
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student is visibly not engaged in the assignment—perhaps talking to a classmate, daydreaming, or doing something unrelated to the task at hand—but when corrected, they defensively insist they are working.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This response shows a refusal to acknowledge their lack of focus and resists correction, creating an environment where accountability is avoided. If left unchecked, this can lead to poor work habits and hinder academic progress.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m working! I’m doing it!” (even though they clearly are not).
📖 Proverbs 10:17 (NKJV): “He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, but he who refuses correction goes astray.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You’re obviously not doing your work. Stop pretending like you are and just get back to it.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This accusatory response may embarrass the student, causing them to shut down or become more defensive. It damages trust and can foster an environment of resentment, where the student feels targeted instead of encouraged to improve.
📖 Proverbs 15:4 (NKJV): “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I need to see you making progress on this assignment. Let’s stay focused and if you need help, I’m here.”
🤖 🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This statement gently redirects the student without challenging their initial defensiveness, while setting clear expectations for them to stay on task. It encourages accountability and offers support if needed, promoting a productive classroom atmosphere.
📖 Proverbs 10:17 (NKJV): “He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, but he who refuses correction goes astray.”
⚠️ 10 MORE WAYS IT WILL MANIFEST IN YOUR CLASSROOM ⚠️
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 1: Refusing to participate in group work because they believe they are smarter than their peers.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student isolates themselves during group projects, refusing to collaborate because they think their ideas are superior.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior fosters arrogance and breaks down the benefits of teamwork, making it harder for the student to learn cooperation and compromise—skills essential for future success.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t need to work with them; I’ll just do it myself.”
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop acting like you’re better than everyone else and just do the group work.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This harsh response can trigger resentment and defensiveness, reinforcing the student’s prideful attitude. It may also create tension within the group, making collaboration difficult and hindering the learning environment.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Everyone has something valuable to contribute. Let’s see how you can share your strengths with the group and learn from each other.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach acknowledges the student’s abilities while encouraging humility and collaboration. It helps the student understand the value of teamwork, fostering respect for their peers and promoting a more cooperative classroom environment.
📖 Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV): “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 2: Refusing to apologize after making fun of or hurting a classmate.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student denies responsibility or makes excuses for hurting someone’s feelings, unwilling to admit fault.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This fosters relational division and teaches the student that they are above accountability, which damages peer relationships and undermines their integrity.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “It wasn’t a big deal. They’re just being too sensitive.”
📖 James 4:6 (NKJV): “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You need to apologize right now, or you’ll be in big trouble.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: Forcing an apology without addressing the underlying issue can result in a half-hearted, insincere response. This approach may only increase the student’s defensiveness and stubbornness, and the apology may not bring about genuine reconciliation.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s important to acknowledge when we’ve hurt someone. I’m confident you can make this right by apologizing when you’re ready.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response encourages reflection and sincerity in the apology, allowing the student to take responsibility for their actions without feeling forced. It promotes emotional growth and fosters a more positive relationship between students, helping to restore peace.
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 3: Deflecting blame onto others when caught breaking school rules.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student quickly points fingers at others to avoid taking responsibility, refusing to acknowledge their own wrongdoing.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This prevents personal growth, encourages dishonesty, and fosters a lack of accountability that will affect both their academic and social success.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “It wasn’t my fault! They started it!”
📖 Proverbs 28:13 (NKJV): “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop blaming others; we all know you’re the one who did it. Just admit it!”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This confrontational approach can make the student feel cornered and further reinforce their defensiveness. It may lead to more lies or deflection, damaging trust and making it harder for the student to take responsibility for their actions.
📖 Proverbs 29:23 (NKJV): “A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I understand it’s hard to admit when we’ve done something wrong, but taking responsibility is the first step to fixing the situation. Let’s talk about how we can make it right.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach encourages the student to reflect on their actions without feeling attacked. It fosters a sense of responsibility and accountability, while also providing an opportunity for reconciliation and growth.
📖 James 5:16 (NKJV): “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 4: Getting angry or defensive when receiving feedback from a teacher.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student shuts down, argues, or becomes defensive when a teacher offers constructive criticism on an assignment or behavior.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Defensiveness prevents the student from accepting feedback and improving their performance, limiting their academic growth and hindering the teacher-student relationship.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “Why are you always picking on me? My work was fine!”
📖 Proverbs 12:1 (NKJV): “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “There’s no need to get upset. You’re acting out for no reason—just take the feedback and move on.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response can escalate the student’s anger or defensiveness, making them feel dismissed or invalidated. It may discourage open communication and create a more hostile environment, making it harder for them to accept feedback in the future.
📖 Proverbs 15:18 (NKJV): “A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I know it’s not easy to hear feedback, but I’m sharing this to help you improve. Let’s work together on how you can apply this to grow.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response acknowledges the student’s emotions while reframing the feedback as an opportunity for growth. It encourages a collaborative effort, reducing defensiveness and fostering a constructive dialogue.
📖 Proverbs 9:9 (NKJV): “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 5: Refusing to ask for help when struggling with a difficult subject.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student is clearly struggling but refuses to seek assistance, pretending everything is fine to avoid looking weak or unprepared.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: Pride keeps the student from receiving the support they need to succeed, and this habit can lead to falling behind academically.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t need help. I’m fine!”
📖 Proverbs 11:2 (NKJV): “When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “If you’re struggling, why don’t you just ask for help? It’s not that hard.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This dismissive response can make the student feel inadequate or embarrassed for needing assistance, reinforcing their pride and reluctance to seek help. It may lead to further isolation and continued struggles with the subject.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s okay to need help. Everyone struggles sometimes, and I’m here to support you. Let’s work through this together.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This supportive response normalizes the need for help and invites the student to engage without feeling ashamed. It promotes a safe learning environment, encouraging the student to seek guidance and improve.
📖 James 1:5 (NKJV): “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 6: Boasting about achievements to the point of excluding others.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student constantly brags about their accomplishments, making others feel inferior or leaving them out of conversations.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This creates division among peers and prevents the student from forming deep, meaningful relationships based on mutual respect.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I’m the best in this class. No one can do it like me.”
📖 Proverbs 27:2 (NKJV): “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop bragging. No one likes someone who talks about themselves all the time.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response can embarrass the student and fuel defensiveness, making them feel that their achievements are invalidated. It might create distance between the student and their peers, reinforcing prideful behavior as a defense mechanism.
📖 Proverbs 27:2 (NKJV): “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s great that you’ve achieved so much! Remember, it’s also important to encourage and include others so that everyone feels valued.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach acknowledges the student’s achievements while gently guiding them toward humility and inclusiveness. It promotes a sense of community and helps the student see the importance of valuing others’ contributions as well.
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 7: Refusing to participate in class because they fear making mistakes.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student avoids raising their hand, contributing to discussions, or trying new things in fear of looking foolish if they make an error.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This defensiveness keeps the student in a fixed mindset, where they avoid challenges and opportunities for growth, leading to stagnation in learning.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t know the answer, so I’m not even going to try.”
📖 Philippians 4:13 (NKJV): “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “If you don’t try, you’ll never learn anything. Just get over it and participate.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This dismissive response may increase the student’s fear and anxiety, reinforcing their belief that making mistakes will lead to embarrassment or judgment. It can create an environment where the student feels unsupported, leading to disengagement.
📖 Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV): “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “It’s okay to make mistakes. That’s how we learn and grow. We’re here to support you, so give it a try. You might surprise yourself!”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This gentle encouragement reassures the student that it’s safe to participate and make mistakes. It builds confidence and fosters a supportive learning environment, helping them overcome fear and engage more fully in class.
📖 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV): “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 8: Dismissing or mocking other students’ ideas in group discussions.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student rolls their eyes, makes fun of, or dismisses other students’ contributions, asserting their superiority.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior damages collaboration and creates tension among peers, as students feel invalidated and unwelcome in sharing their ideas.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “That’s a dumb idea. Mine’s much better.”
📖 Proverbs 18:12 (NKJV): “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Stop being rude and just listen to what they have to say. You’re not always right.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This confrontational approach may provoke more prideful or defensive reactions, causing the student to feel attacked and less willing to consider others’ ideas. It can lead to further division and lack of collaboration in the group.
📖 Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV): “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “Let’s make sure we’re giving everyone a chance to share their ideas. It’s important to consider different perspectives so we can find the best solution together.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response encourages respectful communication and cooperation. It fosters an inclusive environment where students feel valued, helping the dismissive student recognize the importance of listening and teamwork.
📖 Proverbs 18:13 (NKJV): “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 9: Defending poor behavior by justifying why the rules don’t apply to them.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student argues with authority figures, insisting that they should be exempt from certain school rules, like dress code or attendance policies.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This undermines respect for authority and creates an environment where rules are challenged rather than respected, which can lead to disciplinary issues.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “I don’t care about that rule. It’s stupid and doesn’t apply to me.”
📖 Romans 13:1 (NKJV): “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities.”
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “You always think the rules don’t apply to you. Just follow them like everyone else.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response may increase defensiveness and reinforce the student’s belief that they’re being unfairly singled out, which can result in further defiance and a refusal to change their behavior.
📖 Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV): “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “The rules are here to keep everyone safe and respected. Let’s talk about why it’s important for everyone to follow them, including you.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This response provides the student with an opportunity to understand the reasoning behind the rules, encouraging accountability without making them feel attacked. It opens the door for constructive conversation and a change in attitude.
📖 Proverbs 13:10 (NKJV): “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.”
🤖🎬 SCENARIO 10: Criticizing classmates’ achievements or downplaying their success.
👀 HOW IT LOOKS: The student mocks or downplays others’ successes, attempting to make themselves feel superior or to minimize others’ accomplishments.
☠️ WHY IT’S DANGEROUS: This behavior fosters jealousy and division, preventing healthy relationships and building a habit of tearing others down rather than celebrating their successes.
🎤 HOW IT SOUNDS: “They only won because the teacher likes them.”
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
🤖 These scenarios for adolescents (ages 11-18) represent common ways that pride and defensiveness manifest in the school environment. They hinder both academic progress and relational growth, but with the help of Scripture, teachers can guide students toward humility, cooperation, and self-awareness.
💡 TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY? That is the question.
🤖 ❌ NOT TO SAY: “Why are you always so negative when someone else does well? Stop being jealous and just be happy for them.”
☠️ POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This direct and confrontational response could cause the student to feel embarrassed and defensive, making it harder for them to reflect on their behavior. It might also lead to resentment toward the teacher and peers.
📖 Proverbs 14:30 (NKJV): “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.”
🤖 ✅ TO SAY: “I noticed you didn’t seem too excited for your classmate’s success. It’s important to celebrate each other’s wins. Let’s talk about how we can all support each other.”
🎯 POTENTIAL OUTCOME: This approach opens a dialogue without shaming the student. It invites them to reflect on their actions and learn the importance of supporting others. By fostering a culture of encouragement, it helps the student develop empathy and humility.
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
💡 How to SUPPORT an Adolescent (11-18 years) with Pride/Defensiveness in a SPIRIT-LED Way 🕊️
🚨⚠️ 10 Things to AVOID in Your Interactions with Adolescents ⚠️🚨
💡🤖 1. Don’t Embarrass Them in Front of Their Peers
Adolescents are highly sensitive to social dynamics, and embarrassing them in front of their peers can lead to deep resentment, defensiveness, and further disruption. However, this doesn’t mean you avoid calling them out when necessary. Address the behavior calmly and firmly without belittling them, ensuring that the issue is handled without undermining their dignity. Striking the balance between correction and respect is key.
📖 Proverbs 12:18 (NKJV): “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
🤖 2. Avoid sarcasm or mocking.
While you may think sarcasm lightens the mood, adolescents can easily interpret it as condescension. This will escalate their defensiveness and push them further into prideful resistance.
📖 Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV): “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
💡🤖 3. Be Careful How You Challenge Them Publicly
Adolescents often challenge authority in front of peers to test boundaries. While it’s important to address disruptive behavior publicly to maintain order and respect, how you do it matters. If done carelessly, it can backfire and cause them to become more defensive or rebellious. Instead, correct the behavior with calm authority, ensuring they understand the consequences while maintaining their dignity in front of peers.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
📖 Matthew 18:15 (NKJV): “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”
🤖 4. Don’t compare them to others.
Comparing adolescents to their peers, siblings, or friends can lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and prideful behavior as they strive to prove themselves better than others.
📖 2 Corinthians 10:12 (NKJV): “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves…”
💡🤖 5. Avoid Interrupting When They’re Expressing Themselves
Interrupting an adolescent mid-conversation can make them feel dismissed, increasing defensiveness. Listening fully, even when they’re wrong, fosters trust and opens the door for productive dialogue. However, if they cross a line with profanity or extreme disrespect, it’s important to maintain boundaries. In such cases, sending them to the office reinforces respect and proper communication.
📖 James 1:19 (NKJV): “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
💡🤖 6. Don’t Minimize Their Emotions
Adolescents often experience intense emotions and may not yet have the tools to manage them. Dismissing or minimizing their feelings can lead to frustration and defensiveness, reinforcing their need to rely on pride. However, it’s important to acknowledge their emotions without necessarily reinforcing them, as their feelings may not always be rooted in truth. Guide them toward healthy emotional responses while validating their experience.
📖 Romans 12:15 (NKJV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
💡🤖 7. Don’t Rush to Judgment
Adolescents are still figuring out who they are, and their actions may not always reflect their true intentions. Rushing to conclusions about their behavior without fully understanding the situation can shut down communication and make them more defensive in future interactions. Instead, take time to gather as much information as possible to try and ascertain the root cause of their behavior, allowing for a more compassionate and effective response.
📖 Proverbs 18:13 (NKJV): “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”
💡🤖 8. Avoid Power Struggles
Trying to outsmart or overpower an adolescent can fuel their pride and make them more resistant. Instead, offer them choices or compromise to de-escalate tension, but ensure that both choices are tasks they need to do, not what they want. Be careful with compromise—what you offer must be something you are willing to extend to all students, as fairness is key. A compromise that only benefits one student can create a sense of injustice for others, leading to further challenges in classroom dynamics.
📖 Philippians 2:3 (NKJV): “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
💡🤖 9. Don’t Dismiss Their Input
Adolescents need to feel that their opinions matter, even if they are still learning to make sound decisions. Dismissing their thoughts outright can lead to feelings of frustration and cause them to act out in pride to assert their value. Instead, listen carefully and offer guidance, correcting them where necessary with respect and truth.
📖 Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
💡🤖 10. Don’t Use Ultimatums
Ultimatums can make adolescents feel cornered, forcing them into defensive or prideful decisions. If you follow through, they may feel trapped and resentful; if you don’t, your authority is undermined. Instead, offer creative solutions that lead to the desired outcome while allowing them some control.
📖 Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NKJV): “The end of a thing is better than its beginning; the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”
✅ 10 THINGS TO DO IN YOUR INTERACTIONS ✅ with adolescents who struggle with pride and defensiveness
🤖 1. Approach with Respect.
Respect is vital for adolescents. They are developing their sense of autonomy and identity, so treating them with respect helps lower their defenses and shows that their thoughts and feelings matter.
• Example: “I hear you, and your opinion is important to me. Let’s figure out a solution together.”
📖 1 Peter 2:17 (NKJV): “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.”
🤖 2. Provide Constructive Feedback.
Rather than focusing on what the student did wrong, frame feedback positively. Point out where they did well and offer guidance on how they can improve without attacking their character.
• Example: “You did a great job on this part of the project. Let’s focus on improving this area next time.”
📖 Proverbs 25:11 (NKJV): “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
🤖 3. Be Available for Honest Conversation.
Let adolescents know they can come to you without fear of judgment. Offering an open-door policy for conversation shows that you are a trusted figure in their lives.
• Example: “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here. I want to hear what’s on your mind.”
📖 James 1:19 (NKJV): “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
🤖 4. Set Clear Boundaries with Empathy.
Setting boundaries is necessary, but how you set them matters. Be clear about expectations, but also let them know you understand their feelings. This helps them feel valued, even within the boundaries.
• Example: “I understand you feel strongly about this, but the classroom rule is [insert rule]. Let’s follow it together.”
📖 Ephesians 4:15 (NKJV): “But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ.”
🤖 5. Pray for Them.
Invite the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts by praying for them. Adolescents need spiritual covering as they navigate complex emotions and pressures.
• Example: Pray privately, “Lord, guide [student’s name] with Your wisdom and grace. Help them to see Your truth in every challenge they face.”
📖 James 5:16 (NKJV): “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”
🤖 6. Model Humility.
Show adolescents that humility is a strength, not a weakness. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it. They are more likely to respect you and learn that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
• Example: “I didn’t explain that very well—let me try again. Thank you for being patient with me.”
📖 Matthew 23:12 (NKJV): “And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
🤖 7. Use Positive Reinforcement.
Encourage positive behavior by acknowledging it when you see it. Recognizing their efforts, even in small things, helps to build a culture of growth and maturity.
• Example: “I noticed you stayed focused during the entire lesson today—well done!”
📖 Proverbs 3:27 (NKJV): “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so.”
🤖 8. Stay Calm and Lead by Example.
When adolescents are frustrated or prideful, staying calm shows them how to regulate their emotions. Your demeanor teaches them how to respond gracefully in difficult situations.
• Example: “I understand this is frustrating, but let’s take a step back and figure out a plan together.”
📖 Philippians 4:5 (NKJV): “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.”
🤖 9. Help Them See the Bigger Picture.
Help adolescents understand that growth takes time and that mistakes are part of the process. This encourages long-term thinking over short-term prideful reactions.
• Example: “You’re doing great, and you’re learning. Keep focusing on growth and the progress you’re making.”
📖 Philippians 1:6 (NKJV): “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
📖 Romans 8:28 (NKJV): “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
🤖 10. Speak Life and Truth into Their Identity.
Help adolescents see that their worth is not defined by their pride or defensiveness. Reinforce their identity in Christ and the strengths they bring.
• Example: “You have so much potential, and God has amazing plans for you. Don’t be afraid to grow and learn.”
📖 Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV): “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
The fruit of the Spirit is…
🤖 🕊️ Love ❤️: Adolescents need to feel respected and valued, especially when they are struggling with pride or defensiveness. Showing them love through empathy and active listening helps them feel secure in their relationships, making them more open to correction and self-reflection.
🤖 🕊️ Joy 🥳: Celebrating achievements, even small steps of growth, fosters a positive environment where adolescents feel encouraged to continue improving. Joyful reinforcement helps shift their focus from competition or prideful comparison to mutual success and personal development.
🤖 🕊️ Peace ✌️: In this stage, conflicts can arise from pride or the need to assert independence. Modeling peace teaches adolescents how to de-escalate conflicts and approach challenges calmly. A peaceful environment reduces defensiveness and allows them to focus on personal and academic growth without feeling attacked.
🤖 🕊️ Patience ⏳: Adolescents often feel the pressure to prove themselves, which can make them resistant to feedback or guidance. Offering patience gives them the space to work through their emotions and process criticism without feeling rushed or judged. Patience from adults shows that they are not expected to have everything figured out immediately.
🤖 🕊️ Kindness 🫶: Kindness in response to adolescent defensiveness or pride helps break down barriers. Even when they push back, responding with kindness can disarm their defenses and make them more willing to accept guidance. Showing them kindness reinforces that they are valued regardless of their mistakes.
🤖 🕊️ Goodness 🌟: Modeling goodness through fairness and integrity in the classroom sets a standard for adolescents to follow. When they see adults acting with goodness, they are more likely to reflect these values in their own behavior, fostering a positive, humble approach to challenges and relationships.
🤖 🕊️ Faithfulness 🤝: Adolescents need adults in their lives who are consistent and dependable. Faithfulness in your role as a teacher or mentor builds trust and stability, showing them that you will support them through their struggles. This trust helps them feel secure enough to face their own challenges and take responsibility for their actions.
🤖 🕊️ Gentleness 🐑: Adolescents may react strongly to criticism or correction. A gentle approach helps them hear feedback without feeling attacked or diminished. Gentleness encourages reflection and accountability while maintaining their dignity, making them more receptive to learning and growth.
🤖 🕊️ Self-Control ⏸️: Modeling self-control is crucial for adolescents, who are still learning to regulate their emotions and impulses. When teachers and mentors demonstrate calmness in difficult situations, it sets an example for how to handle frustration or conflict without resorting to anger or defensiveness. This teaches them that they, too, can manage their emotions effectively.
🤖 These Spirit-led qualities create a supportive and nurturing environment for adolescents, helping them navigate the emotional challenges of pride and defensiveness. Through love, patience, and self-control, they learn to grow into more self-aware, humble individuals, equipped to face the complexities of life with grace and wisdom.
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